Such a Waste (And Other Messed Up TF2 Tales)
by PixelsShattered
Summary: A series of one-shots from the perspective of various Team Fortress 2 weapons! Ever wondered what happens when a Sniper misses? What about what happens when you equip the Lollochop? I HAVE THE ANSWERS! Rated T for headshots and TF2
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm back with another one-shot! If you recently checked out Bots Among Us, you would know that this does NOT mean I am abandoning everything else. Unfortunately, I have come down with writer's block, so I thought I'd try and fight it off with this. I almost have the next chapter for The New Story done, so watch for it coming soon!

At first, it was dark. Very dark. There were others around me, standing exactly as I was. I did not know them, and they did not know me. None of it even mattered, for we were all only simple rounds, waiting our turn to be fired out into the world. What point was there for living this way? There was no point. It was hardly life, more so just existence.

Everything lurched upwards. Another round was fired, and from the disapproving noises the wielder of my prison made, it was evident that the bullet did not hit its mark.

A waste.

A waste of a perfectly good bullet. Nothing was accomplished with the shot that sent that perfectly good bullet into the world outside.

Everything lurched upwards again, as the bullet above me was loaded into the chamber, ready to fire. I looked up to see him- no, her, looking back at me nervously. Before I could make a gesture, the owner pulled the trigger. The owner muttered something disapproving.

He missed again.

I had given up. The chamber opened, and I was forced into the slot. Three in a row, I told myself, was what was about to be witnessed. The barrel pointed straight at a large man dressed in mostly blue eating a sandwich. Then it moved, scanning the area for other targets. He could not have missed the large man, and judging by the red detailing on the gun, he was even the enemy, but the owner never fired.

A click alerted the owner that the gun was fully charged, ready to fire a lethal shot. The gun moved slightly to the left, targeting the large man once again, who was not spinning a large minigun while a significantly shorter man followed him with a blue beam. The owner paused, then took the shot.

A red trail followed me, showing the world my trajectory. I flew straight, straight into the large blue man's head, then out the back and through the shorter man's head. I continued my deadly flight, through another man's head, and into a blue machine, which exploded. Nothing could stop me as I continued to bolt through the air, passing cleanly through the head of yet another, younger man. I was amazed at the carnage I had produced. Looking back, four people and multiple machine parts lay, dead. I continued my descent, piercing a hole in a wall, then another, and flying off a cliff.

Maybe, I thought, just maybe, my existence wasn't such a waste after all.

A/N: You read right, folks, I just wrote over 400 words from the perspective of a Machina bullet! Also, as I wrote this, I was envisioning the map pl_upward, but who really cares about that. So, a question: Should I try and do this without other TF2 weapons? Lemme know in the reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Before anyone says anything, I know that the last chapter was released just a bit ago, but I got an awesome review by A Lack of Pies (Thanks, man) with some insanely awesome suggestions for this new series of one-shots. Call me crazy, but this dude had some awesome suggestions, and sparked 3 or 4 others in mah noggin, so here we go!**

The Domination fanfare rang out in the sandy desert arena of Badwater Basin as the RED Scout gleefully taunted the near-dead BLU Pyro, who laid helpless on the ground. Insulting the Pyro one final time, a bat to the head sent the pyromaniac through respawn once again.

Stepping out of the spawn room, Pyro clinched his fist and reached into his locker, drawing out a comically large lollipop. As his hands wrapped around the handle, the reality around him began to shift, gradually becoming more and more colorful, peaceful, and generally happier.

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The blue man placed down a rusted makeshift axe next to me while taking me out of the cramped locker. It felt amazing, I thought, to get out of that tiny dark space and spread more cheer. Slowly shifting the person's reality, I decided to take over for a bit. I chuckled quietly to myself at how easy it was to distract the blue clad man with some simple rainbows and color-swapping. Piloting the man's body into battle, I noticed a kid dashing around the field, and skimming through the Pyro's memories a bit, I realized that this kid was kicking this guy's butt. Using his other hand to pull out his orange and grey flare gun, I launched us across the battlefield and used his hand to twirl me around a bit, getting the attention of the kid in red.

Laughing, the kid whipped out a metal baseball bat and rather distastefully taunted the firebug. I charged in, easily blocking his wild swings and slicing myself several inched into his head. The Revenge fanfare swept across the area as the kid took his last few breaths before being claimed by respawn.

I swing myself around again, shaking off whatever blood I could before deciding my work was done. Slowly, I gave back the Pyro control and decided I'd just watch.

 **A/N: If you hadn't guessed, that was the lollichop, doing his pyroland thing and generally being awesome. Any weapons you want to see the insane POV of? Put them down in the comments!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Back again for another entry in this little series, but I do have something kind of important to say: I will NOT be doing the Eyelander or any other weapon that appears sentient in the comics. You can probably guess why. Anyway, today's weapon was suggested by 2 people (Thanks Lack of Pies and Guest), the Engineer's Gunslinger and its demon spawn, the mini-sentries! Hope you enjoy.**

"Sentry goin' up!" Engineer shouted to his fellow BLU teammates as he threw down a small toolbox, which quickly assembled itself into a smaller-than-usual sentry gun. The second the last piece fitted itself perfectly into place, the turret sprung to life, releasing an onslaught of bullets at the advancing REDs…

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I felt the toolbox unsnap and my parts whirring into place. Targeting anything red, I began my massacre. Shooting the medic, then heavy, I added 2 kills to my counter. Spinning around and shooting the spy, I added another. After successfully mowing down the advance, I sighed to myself, ready for what was next to come. Right on cue, the dreaded message arrived from the Destruction PDA. After sending the correct files to the Frontier Justice and Gunslinger, I emailed myself over, then the sentry exploded.

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I again assembled myself, and quickly took note of the new area. The room was not much to behold, consisting of a deck, a few doors, and a large blue circle with a briefcase placed in the middle. Near the desk sat a Dispenser and a larger, fully leveled sentry gun. Boy did I hate those guys. With nothing better to do, I waited.

A Scout came rushing in, snatching up the Intelligence Briefcase, but couldn't quite escape before being conquered by the larger sentry, while I counted an assist in my counter. In the local chatroom, I could hear him gloating, probably trying to impress the Dispenser, who seemed to be a more feminine construct. After over an hour, I'd only added a measly few assists and one kill to my counter. Nothing lasts forever, of course, and it wasn't long until I got the dreaded message, packed up, and exploded.

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Again, I quickly assembled myself and quickly cleared the area. Honestly, I thought to myself, what was there for me to live for? I gave the builder extra damaging shots, but in the end, when I stopped getting kills, I was killed. It hurt to be blown up, and spending day after day, month after month, year after year being built to kill, then be killed. I lived to kill and killed to live, and it was not fun.

 **A/N: Hopefully that was pretty good. Honestly, I've felt kinda pressured with all the support I've been getting. ^-^; Anyway, until next time (probably tomorrow), see ya!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Today's weapon is my favorite Scout melee weapon, the Sandman! I have already decided that the next weapon will be either the Soldier's Gunboats or Mantreads, so if you prefer one to the other, be sure to voice your opinion in the reviews!**

The Scout stepped out of respawn, his head still throbbing from the spot the Pyro's Lollichop had smashed his skull and probably most of his brains. Tossing his own candy-themed weapon back in his locker, Scout's eyes caught his old baseball bat, a gift from his ma before he left for the war. Without a second thought, he drew out the Sandman and its baseball before charging back into the heat of the battle.

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With the crack of the bat, I flew through the air, colliding solidly with an invisible face that reeled back in shock, dropping its knife and becoming visible. A second crushing blow with the wooden stick sent the tall, red suited man toppling down onto his back, and a third sent him to respawn. After the boy finished gloating over the dead body, he quickly snatched me back upand continued on his mission.

Sheathed once again in the kid's bag, I was left with nothing but the exciting (in my opinion) sounds of fighting outside. Gunshots echoed through the wooden walls of the RED base, the hum of machines and beeping of sentries providing an ambience of sorts. Although the bag was rather dark, it took no time at all to know where the kid was headed. His quick, light footsteps abruptly changing from crunching through gravel to industrial concrete. The hum of machinery and beeping of sentries overtook the gunshots, making it blatantly obvious the kid was set on stealing the briefcase that seemed to drive the battles. Honestly, I couldn't guess what was contained within those all-important briefcases, but it was enough for many men to die over and over again.

I was jerked from my observations to be launched through the air, again landing square on a shorter, overall-wearing man, who was then filled with lead from the kid's gun. Then he continued, completely forgetting to pick me back up, and grabbed the Intelligence. Again passing by me, he ran straight up the stairwell and out into the base.

I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it. He left me. Left me there on the floor next to a dead man, in the noisy basement of a base on a godforsaken gravel pit. I'm not sure how long I laid there, but eventually another boy, who somewhat resembled the kid who left me, came walking by. He noticed me, and picked me up, stashing me in his bag. Nowadays, I work with this new boy. Every time, he is sure to pick me up, even once getting himself killed to be sure he had his ball.

 **A/N: Hopefully that was pretty good. Until next time, see ya!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well, I'm back! Unfortunately, I've been really busy these last few days, and I'll probably be booked for the next few days too, so don't expect any huge updates coming this week. On the upside, I am working on a new chapter of Bots Among Us, which will be posted most likely sometime tomorrow!**

The Soldier tossed his shotgun and rocket launcher across the respawn room of Hightower and slid on his Mantreads while pulling out his Rocket Jumper and Market Gardener. Although they seemed to be humble cosmetics, the Mantreads were fitted with special metal plates and small, but painful, spikes on the underside. To the Soldier, it took a few battles to fully understand their use, but he felt devilishly accomplished when he landed on the BLU Sniper and killed him outright. For those who haven't caught on yet, the Mantreads smash people.

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The Mantreads slowly awoke to the sounds of rockets, bullets, and bombs, although that was far from unusual now. For the right boot, it all seemed rather ill-mannered and unrefined. To the left boot, who suffered from something not unlike Pyrovision, it was a candy land of bubbles flying around and cheerful laughter. Although the two treads were vastly different, there were never arguments. The left enjoyed every moment of tickling people's heads, while the right, being even more refined and gentlemanly than even Spy, wished for the day to be over and wondered how both Left and Soldier enjoyed the work day so much.

A skilled rocketjump later, and Soldier flew off the central tower onto the enemy Heavy, landing a perfect Marker Gardener smack, followed by death by boot. Right winced, dispelling any blood that clung to the water resistant leather he was made of, while Left laughed happily and sang out for nobody to hear.

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I carefully expelled the blood that clung to my top class leather Italian covering, muttering disgustedly as I looked over at my partner, Left, who was embracing the gore and singing excitedly with every jump and landing. I adjusted my monocle and checked to make sure my beautifully trimmed was still pristine white.

It was not

Honestly, it was a wonder how Soldier and Left had such a ball misusing an astonishing pair of fine leather boots. Even the set name, "The General's Formals", implied that I was not fit for combat. Of course, Left seemed to have a jolly good time caving in skulls, being soaked in blood, and being subject to dangerous and unfitting environments.

Another rocket jump. I sighed. It was going to be a long day.

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A ball of confetti exploded beneath me as we flew up into the air, bubbles and a ballonicorn flying by. The area itself radiated joy, with candy factories and giant chocolate bars on wheels of cheese, rolling down tracks made of licorice and candy corn. We descended, falling toward a large, fat baby. He looked up and burst into happiness, and I spat candy all around at him. Fireworks went off and the baby laid down to sleep. Another confetti blast sent us up onto the next adventure.

Right seemed to be enjoying our job slightly less that I did, but that was his fault, since he looked like a giant zucchini with a mustache and monocle.

 **A/N: This might be my favorite chapter I've written so far. Anyway, I have a special BTS/Preview of sorts for those who follow both this and Bots Among Us.**

 _The firebug glanced nonchalantly at P-body, at first it was a simple sweeping motion most humans tended to make out of boredom, but its stare quickly fixed itself on the egg shaped tester. Flinching as in recognition, the Pyro motioned for P-body to follow it. Unsure of what the pyromaniac wanted, P-body followed._

 **Well, that's all for now, see you next time with another much-requested weapon, the Spy's Dead Ringer!**


End file.
